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2005-07-23 - 7:35 p.m. My First BEVR, from way back before I even knew I had one... St. Louis ~ AI2... 8/19/03 (Haha, I just found this in a very old saved folder... He was only 24 then!!!) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I was not prepared for St. Louis... 98 degrees and 150% humidity! First challenge was finding my way to the hotel. Someone told me I could take the Metrolink for $3, which would drop me close by. Someone was wrong. But I did eventually make it to my wonderful overly air-conditioned room at the Mayfair, which is a wonderful OLD hotel (with elevators reminiscent of Disney's Tower of Terror!!!) I won't spend a lot of time on this stuff, because frankly, WHO CARES? But here I was in my very comfortable room, and when I tell you it was HOT outside, well, I just can't even find the appropriate words to describe how HOT IT REALLY WAS!!! And I still had to meet up with the girl who I was to purchase my 2nd row ticket from! (The ticket I had in hand was just 4 rows up from the floor but a ways back on the side... which would have been an excellent seat for anybody who didn't NEED to see facial stubble! So, to make a long story short, I didn't even try for the Meet and Greet, because it conflicted with locating my "ticket source" and also because I could not imagine meeting Clay for the first time looking like a drenched mess!!! I mean, I just couldn't bare the thought of it! So anyway, I finally procured the ticket, made my way back to the air-conditioning and still had two hours to play Clay CD's (my room came equipped with a CD player... How DID they know???) while counting the minutes. Also, during this time I was able to work wonders with the FLATIRON! But as for actually being within hours of seeing Clay for the first time? The reality of it had truly not yet sunk in. At the Savvis Center: There was RED everywhere. (In fact it seemed that all of St. Louis was RED yesterday!) It was truly amazing! I found myself talking to so many people about our common interest. A very strange phenomenon he has created wherein people are automatically drawn towards each other. Immediate camaraderies form! I guess this is where I really started to feel the panic (for lack of any better word) about seeing him ITF! There was an energy when first walking into the arena that was not to be believed! I somehow can't imagine last year's tour resulting in the same pandemonium. I couldn't believer HOW CLOSE my seat was, but it was way over on the right side, and the left side was definitely the place to be... except for one little part of the show, which I will share later. When the show started we got all the American Idol hype (taking me back to Tuesdays and Wednesdays) and the Randy Jackson intro and teaser clips, which at this point made the anticipation almost unbearable! I need to stick to the major details here or this is gonna get out of control! Charles: As cute as can be! Julia: Very pretty and... was voted off appropriately. Ricky: Loves the audience and the audience loves him. Kim C: As much as I disliked her, she's got stage presence. Carmen: Very fresh and has lost the zits, or so it appears. Tries SO hard. Trenyce: Gotta say it... AWESOME!! She's been holdin' back on us! Kim L: Don't remember... Clay: Review to follow... Ruben: Don't remember. And then... HE CAME UP! I don't know if I have ever before felt what I felt the second I saw him rising out of the floor. I'm sure it was partly due to the incredible anticipation of him, but as you see his face come into view you can see that he GLOWS. It is something so far above anything you've seen yet this evening... or in your lifetime. And I will be totally honest with you, from here on you will have to go out to the threads to read the reviews because I can't remember a dang thing!!! But I will try to piece together the few images and memories I have. One comment first. I think you would have to see it more than once, the first time is just for getting your bearings. I do remember during TITN, the girl sitting next to me turned around and glared and me, and it was then I realized that I was SINGING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!!! It's like I didn't know where I was!... it was all very surreal, to coin a phrase. Then they float the dry ice, which covers the stage in a thin fog, just enough to make it even more surreal, to the point you're not sure whether it's really him or just your imagination. I actually don't remember screaming, but later I realized that my lungs felt deflated and my throat was killing me. Also, during CYFTLT, I dialed my home phone number thinking one of my kids would answer and would somehow enjoy it as much a I was enjoying it or (primary MO) that my answering machine would pick up!!! Of course at that point I didn't even know if I'd gotten through because the noise level was deafening and I had seats by the speakers, where every chord vibrates in your throat and chest. Anyway, when I talked to them this morning they said they could hear Clay a little, but mostly they could just hear me screaming!!! At the end of the song?.. where he takes that really long pause?.. before singing the last note?.. that is the one place in the show where he is completely on the right side of the stage and way down towards the front. I think I liked it better in the beginning where he just took a few (impassioned) seconds between. Now it has become a bit of "schtick" where I think he may have even glanced at his watch, but the audience loves it! I don't remember many of the details because somewhere during that pause, not even sure how long it was because the whole world stopped for me, but from less than 20 feet away he looked at me and we made eye contact!.. and though I'm sure there were probably many other's there who had a similar experience, when it happens... YOU KNOW IT! And I don't think I'm likely to forget it for a while. In writing this now I feel rather insane. I make eye contact with people all the time. It's part of life. But this was definitely... different! Since this was my first concert, I'm not sure what was "set" and what might have been improvised. There was a girl who came down the center aisle in curlers and a housecoat with a sign that said, "My name is Kelli" and they played it into their TGIM routine with Clay saying "I'll take this Kelli and you (Ruben) can take that one" or something like that, but I think I somehow missed the plot. Also LOTS of panties and bras and at one pint when Ruben was singing, Kim picked up a pair of red thongs and handed them to Clay and he put them in his back pocket and the audience went crazy and Ruben thought the audience reaction was for him. OK, I've gotta touch on THAT now. St. Louis, I think, is rather a neutral base, but the crowd was SO CLEARLY CLAY'S. Every time Clay was on stage, even in the background, the audience was on it's feet... and during his songs it was like a FEEDING FRENZY! The signs for him were unbelievable! The screaming for him was unbelievable! And then Ruben would start singing hand half the audience would sit down, or go out to the bathroom. Clay works SO hard to keep Ruben in the spotlight! It's almost like half the time you feel that is his major concern! Rubens voice sounded great, but my God, there is no comparison to the level of magic flowing from Clay! I tried to stay excited for Ruben during the show and at least stay on my feet, but I truly felt it was out of politeness and respect for his title. You would think that others who confess themselves to be Clay fans would at least have the compassion for Ruben as to not be so blatant. My gosh, this is getting to be so long! Let's see, "Invisible"... He looked gorgeous in that jersey. I guess I was expecting to be completely THUDDED OUT by this, and maybe I was just past the point of feeling anything at this point, but all I could see was his LIGHT. He was playful and was trying very hard to Tease and Please us, but he just seemed like a little boy to me and was bouncier that usual and seemed like "Elfin/Urchin Clay." But he did a lot of clutches and one DEEP knee bend which was truly down to the floor, and come to think of it, I don't remember it much and am hoping someone got it on video because I really need to see it again! I think maybe I was trying so hard to not have to go back to my hotel room with "those thoughts of him" that I saw a completely different version of it. And I don't know if my sign "God Bless The Caress" (idea from the Matt and Ramona show) had anything to do with the particularly gentle and heartfelt tug he did on stage right... but I like to think so! Jerome: Okay, I LOVE HIM! He was standing probably 3 or 4 feet away from me the entire concert. Now I don't know why I didn't bring my daughter's little instamatic camera with me, because people with those were snapping pictures like crazy! But NO, I had to bring my big humongous Cannon with Major ZOOM lense, which after being briefed by concert mates learned that I MIGHT want to keep it undercover. But in a burst of wanting to be TOTALLY honest and upfront, at intermission I asked Jerome if I could just try to get one picture of Clay, and told him I didn't even know how to use the thing and it probably wouldn't turn out because I don't know anything about light readings, etc, but that I just wanted one picture for myself. He told me he wouldn't be able to let me do that... but if I put the camera back in my bag and kept it there he would pretend that he hadn't seen it. I found out later that they make people with "professional" camera equipment leave the arena, WHILST missing portions of the concert, to check their camera with security! After hearing that I just wanted to HUG Jerome. For THAT, and for taking such good care of Clay. I don't remember much else, except that I had so much fun and felt more ALIVE that I have felt for a very long time. Ricky spent a lot of time on MY SIDE and several times when he was over there he would sing to me and look directly in my eyes. Very sweet. Very charming. Very wrong guy! BTW... Clays eyes sparkle on stage. They really do! And he is effervescent! Afterwards: It was all over way to soon, as as much as I kept telling myself to just "BE THERE" and take it all in, it was impossible. I liken it to a trauma victim who is mercifully saved the memory.. I guess. After the concert I wandered around for awhile, and pathetically didn't even know where to go to catch a ride back to the hotel.. Finally I saw a bunch of people outside the Stage Entrance, where the PopTarts bus was parked and RUNNING, so I figured this must be the place! Wrong!.. Decoy! Eventually got a better *clue*, which at I at first thought was yet another decoy... down the street to the parking garage exit. Got there just in time to see the three silver and black (slither) buses pull out of the ramp and out of town. Question in Retrospect: Why in the heck did I think that Clay would ever tour the United States in a bus with the words "Pop Tarts" scrawled all over it???? I ask you! Anyway, watching them pull away was the first time I cried. I got back to my hotel via His grace. I'm not sure how it worked out that I just happened to meet some really nice people on the street who were going back to the very same hotel... and who still had some presence of mind left. I think I was in a daze... and I've been in a daze all today as well. It's been a LONG day. I was sitting on the plane ready to take off from St. Louis and the tears just started flowing. I put on my sunglasses so no-one would see, and bit my lower lip, and the very thought of the act of lip biting made me cry even harder. I'm doing fine now. It's great to be home! I'm not sure where to go from here. I think I've had a major realization today. Anytime in my life when I've had a feeling THIS strong for someone it has been within my reach... within my grasp. This one JUST ISN'T. It's very hard to deal with. But I have to. God save us all!.. we've found this wonderful man - God sent him to us - and now I think He needs to send us a little book of instructions on how we're suppose to handle it. I envy those who still have seeing him ahead, but I'm happy to have gotten that piece behind me where I can finally begin to find a place for it. One of the many thoughts I had today was just how very anxious and excited I am over the anticipation of watching him FLY! Jannet
And for those of you who waded through all THAT... I can at least offer you this pretty...
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