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2006-04-10 - 10:30 a.m. Snippets 2004 - Part 2
August 2004
I spent most of the day working around the house listening to the Greenville CD that K'eh sent me. Housework has never been more enjoyable!
And then... I decided to re-caulk my bathtub... and to prepare it I got out this little tube of stuff that I used when I did the same project last year. And, oh my... what a difference a year makes! Last year I didn't notice that the name of the product was "Caulk-Be-Gone"... or that it was described as a "Latex Caulk Remover"... OR that it came with a "Satisfaction" Guarantee! First of all... I see that as an oxymoron, and second of all... I don't think I wanna even touch this one on a Sunday...
Thank you Nelle for the beautiful MP today and I hope you know that my lechery just shrouds many of the deeper feelings buried beneath. Sometimes I think if I allowed them to surface... to look upon his beauty for what it is... I would just dry up and turn to dust... ala Kirsten Dunst.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I have this huge folder of probably... 5 million pictures of Clay that I've been printing out since day one. Some of them four to a page... some two... and some of them just REALLY BIG ONES. But anyway... I sat there tonight at my dining room table, listening to Greensboro and cutting them out and it occurred to me... "What in the heck am I gonna do with all these in the scheme of things?" I mean, REALLY. And yet my scissors wouldn't relinquish control.
So... why am I here? And WHO ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE anyway???
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
K'eh and Lynda... Don't worry because I just smoked two... one for each of you. Matches were no problem because I am at my own home (as opposed to being on some distant rooftop...) But anyway, I took 'em in good and deep... one right after the other.
So have a couple of Corona's for me now OK and we'll call it...
...still lopsided.
Oh no Clayton.. not YOU honey!
I am loving the cellcerts and anticipation for Jackson is building.
But I still can't stop thinking "teacher" thoughts... and about all those years where his major focus was on education and a commitment to those with special needs... and of all the hard work it took to complete a degree... and dragging himself out of bed for class each day... without even enough money for milk or bread (though completely able to wander the milk and bread aisles if he wanted to)... and then all THIS happened. Talk about making lemonade out of lemons... I know that sounds crazy!.. but I look at him sometimes and realize that he has given up so much of what he wanted to get something else that most of the world would think of a "better." And yet, ya know he's still struggled with it. So it's always so good to see him making his way through combining his two passions... and you can just feel the excitement oozing from him when he's able to incorporate them. What an incredible and extraordinary person he is.
Ok... Teacher... Lechery. How funny how if you spoke a different language, those words would pretty much look the same...
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I would have to agree that he rose to a new level in New Hampshire! My housecleaning can just wait while I go watch that ISY vid a couple more thousand times! Except... I just wanna SHOOT that bobbing head in the foreground! Didn't that person know there is only one bobbing head allowed in our Clay vids? As for last year's RBC.. Raleighgurrl what a beautiful sum up of that incredible night. I don't believe there could ever possibly be anything to top that for him... or any of us watching... even if we WERE reduced to watching it in "dot mode." Webcam night was the longest... shortest night of my life and if I trace back, the night where my vision problems took a turn for the worse. Still, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Nelle... Hugs to you!... as well as to Cindy! I could feel where both of you were coming from. And hugs to Cella too! But anyway, I have to stand up for a moment to say that I do very much appreciate the management style around here. Gurrls. Come on, it's not always gonna be easy. But neither would we ever wish for it to never be hard... So as for that creaking gate... a little WD-40 should do the trick... From jannet... who hasn't had even a thought about lubricants in what seems like... forever. I suppose I should be using the BEVR page... but I'm just too verklempt and perklumpt to figure out how to get there. Jackson... gaah!... and yeah, good seats! Kind of like watching him perform in my back yard. So close I could even see the weeds sprouting up from right underneath the platform he was singing on, so yes... my backyard. And I was a worry wart for nothing! Weather was coolish but ended up being perfect!... and I think he may have even enjoyed the cooler air after the 150 degrees in Columbus. Yet he was still hot... and so were we... and more so as the evening wore on. Apparently he brings his own weather... And I think the most surreal thing of it all was seeing Clay on a worknight... and then pulling into my driveway and going to sleep in my very own bed. And yet it felt perfectly right! It's NOT seeing him on a worknight that feels wrong. And oh, Wendy... According to your map's compass... the peninsular part of the Double O Wild BEVER Ranch's property line is veering slight to the, um... east. Just thought I'd bring that up... for navigational purposes and all... And right now I'm much to tired to think about my long list of replies tonight... with Clio rearing it's pretty head... and tail... and all. All I know is that that I've finally managed to get all my sheets washed... and in just two days (omg) my peeps will be coming... Is there just no end to washerwoman duty? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Have I told you that Clio was one of the most beautiful weekends I've had in forever? Thank you Jilly for letting me be on top... and for telling me that I didn't snore... even when I KNOW I did... and for everything else which would just be too much to try to express right now... ... but perhaps I can fiddle with those thoughts when I work on my BEVR this weekend. MaryAnn: All I can say is that as much as it hurts sometimes... it beats the shades of grey that colors most people's days. Life for us is in constant, vivid, pulsating color! But yes, Clio! THAT one will take some heavy duty topping efforts. It truly had a "once in a lifetime" feeling from beginning to end. Thank you so much to all of you lovely Broads who I was so fortunate to be able to share it with. Sometimes I think that Clay is just the icing on the cake...
September 2004
I just finished watching ISY... and had to put my hand over my mouth for fear of waking everybody up... and there's not even anyone else in my house!... And now I'm gonna go watch about a billion hours of tour footage that I've downloaded but haven't watched and after that I just pray that I will be able to sleep and wake up next to Clay in the morning... and he can telll me that it's just been a dream... and I can tell him "Yeah... it's just been a dream for me too... baby." I just had a thought for an entry into the Guineas Book. Has anyone kept track of the number of times that they've asked themselves... "Why?"... ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Hope to not ever get as behind again as I've been these past few weeks, but after Clio and Cleveland and trying to get caught up at work it's seemed like all I've had time to do at night was to try to try to do my BEVR. And I did... finally! And now I'm so relieved. And I always find it strange when people give me such nice comments about my BEVR... because truly the pleasure is all mine. But I guess I do need to learn how to take compliments better... I've been told that alot... so this time I will just say thank you and try really hard to refrain from saying... "What... THIS old thing?..." ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Pam... When I think about Clay singing Italian songs the only one that comes to mind is "Oh, Solo Mia"... Sorry... I guess I'm probably wearing that joke a bit thin. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Kat.. I hadn't read your page when I posted before. If I had I might have forgotten everything else I wanted to say. Maybe I should have just added a comment on your site... but I wanted to say it here. I have never been able to express those "bus" feelings the way you did. I have rambled on and on about it and tried to express it the best way I could (ask Jill) but nope... I've never been able to really explain it. But you hit the nail on the head! Thank you for your rambling words... because it's so much clearer now. I have still not gotten over not having "touched him" in Clio when the opportunity was SO there... and the path to him was so free and clear. I had wanted to give him his space... but now it just plain hurts. And you made me cry (in a sobbing sort of way) tonight with... Everyone has a bedtime routine. This is now his. Anyway, what I really wanted to say was this... They say that everybody has their fifteen minutes of fame. But then I think back on last summer, when I first found the Broads... and was introduced to this mysterious creature named Katynka who seemed to be able to write in a way that I could only ever dream of writing. And so I guess, at least in my mind, I think of her as having been famous for a lot longer than fifteen minutes...  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Jill!... I am SO high-fiving you baby! And don't you know that I'm still beating myself up over my snobbish attitude that night insisting that "I don't DO fences!" ha! And to think I was standing only inches to the left of you... refusing to reach out and touch him... preferring to wait for a more personal encounter... the encounter that will never occur. But you grabbed your moment... and it's obvious that he grabbed back. Look at that picture Jill! Look at his face! Look at your face! That picture is a true GIFT!... that's all I can say. *sigh* ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Thank you Julie, for bringing back those MDA moments. But it can't possibly have been a year since then! He appeared on that show the morning after the AI2 tour closed in LA... Omg, it HAS been a year!... but I'm still sitting here in the very same place... feeling the very same way... except more. And yet all the other "stuff" (as MaryAnn calls it) that has taken place in the meantime holds no real memory for me. Also, somehow... in the midst of my daze... I ended up with airline and concert tickets to Charlotte and Raleigh for sometime in mid-October... How do things like this happen??? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Ok, there are two things that are bothering me... First MaryAnn... Thank you for directing us to the new Clio Clack at What's Gonzo... but still! Ya know I really have to say that I think that first evening's version of ISY was the best and edgiest it's ever been! So why oh why did those camera nazis have to be such shytes??? I mean at least we got SOMETHING for posterity... but can you imagine if people had been allowed to exhibit their equipment freely... and to feel "safe" in doing so? I'm just weeping here that such a moment was lost to someone who probably would have had the wherewithal to have captured it perfectly! Nuf said... Secondly... about the nuts... I wept again at the thought of the epi-pen... and what he has to deal with. And then I wondered... with all the people he touches every night, doesn't he worry that some of them might be... contaminated???... Not to mention the nuts he must touch sometimes??? Jill... that is SO not what I meant! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Sandi... Funny, how we listen to songs all our lives and don't always hear the words. I've never liked that song before... until now. Ok... Monday is kind of a big day for me. Not only is there Allegan... but it will also be the first anniversary of my first post. Please, nobody go back and look... or if you do, please don't tell me. Not to mention that Monday will also begin my thirty day countdown to being officially fif... uh... twice as old as Clay. Omg... I just thought of that. 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ How very strange to have left the venue less than two hours ago. All I can say is... the way he was wailing his guts out tonight, I'm sure there must be some Clay germs on my rooftop. At any rate... West Michigan is a much better place tonight. It was so great to meet Cynda and Chris. What sweethearts! And we talked to Mrs. Loki while the John Deer wagon hauled us up to the Fair from the parking lot. I love this small world! MaryAnn and I seem to be getting it on as concert buds... she even managed to drag me back to the buses, which anybody who knows me knows I have an aversion to... but anyway we got a REALLy good spot and I was all pumped up and ready to NOT weazle out this time. But alas, no Clay. He had left the venue right after Solitaire. But we did get to talk to Quiana for a bit... and that was nice. She acted as if she KNEW us. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Let's not fret about the AMA's today, okay? I was disappointed not to see this name there too. But Clay's doing just fine. I had a yee-haw moment this morning when I turned on the radio just to see if anything would be mentioned about the Allegan concert last night (as it was sponsored by a local radio station here.) I missed what the DJ's in attendance had to say but they had the girl on the phone who had won the front row seats and she said that she had been really excited about seeing the concert because she had really "liked" him on AI. But then she said something to the effect of "I had NO IDEA!" I somehow envied here... and I'm not referring to her front row seats. Oh, the joy of discovery... remember? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I realized today that Clay is pretty much my world. (Breaking News!...) I don't know how it happened. But he's pretty much the first thin I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about before drifting off to sleep at night. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ So isn't it "Talk Like A Pirate Day"... officially now? Avast! A productive day indeedy mates! Nit only did I trim me tresses... (and smartly too)... but managed to swab me deck as well. Aye, tis been a good day lasses, but burnin' HOT here in the lagoon! Son is up full, and may mighty well stay up, good 'n strong, till it's ready to go down... which'll bring some much wilcomed relief... mind ya. aye. Ya know what I be sayin'? But alas... where O where, the the bonnie boy? (I mean O Capt'n... my Capt'n?) Said he'd be here the beauty, droppin' his anchor into this hot spot sometime t'day. But the wait has been long and... weighty. So hurry up me brave seaman... thar'r miles to row before we sleep... what with smoothin' off the barnacles... and primin' the bilge pump... and buryin' the treasure... and polishin' the plank... Never ye mind... Scalawag! Me knows that ye have other beauty wenches to attend to t'night... huh? Arrrgh!... and **sniff** (apologies to shirtsleeve) Heading off to the galley now for overindulgent rations of grog and cheese-wiz... from Capt'n jannet cash... who really does hope that Roger will be jolly tonight... ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ First of all... as painful as this may be to say... the show was not about HIM. Can you imagine how horrible it would be to be Miss Alabama's mother and at the peak moment of your daughter's life... to have the camera on... some singer? Just sayin'... But I agree... the cheeze-wiz needs to be history. And by the look on his face tonight... he knows it too. He's definitely a man who needs to be in command of his own vessel! (tee hee Keh-ren!)... And I don't think I would be going out on a limb to say that his vessel was not in it's comfort zone. BTW... did anyone happen to notice what zone his vessel WAS in tonight? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Has anyone else ever felt that ache that happens in your chest? Right below your collarbone and kind of inwards from your shoulders... in those little fleshy spots? (I wish I were more well versed in anatomy...) Anyway, that place that just pounds every once in a while when something touches you so deeply and there's nowhere else for that feeling to go? Anyone? I get that same achy feeling sometimes in my fingers too... when I want to touch something so badly... and can't. Anyway, reading about Brett... and Clay's letters... and him looking like autumn last night... and feeling all the love here... and well, ouch. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I think I've only done this once before... jumping off into a dark abyss. I posted last night falling asleep at the keyboard. Sleep never seems that important when it comes to him. So much going on right now and my emails have done enough to alert me that SO much is brewing and that we are all at the same "heightened" level of... whatever this is he does to us. But if I read the pages first before I post, my mind will most likely veer off towards responses of the lecherous variety... and I just wanna say this first (not that it's NOT lecherous.. trust me!) But gawd I love him! And yes, I know we all do. And I shouldn't consider myself so special as to feel that I have this personal "relationship" with him.. ha! So delusional am I! But it gets me through the day... from the second I open my eyes. He's there... in everything... including keeping my bed warm from one night to the next. And please don't EVEN tell me that I'm alone in this. You would think that any psychotic tendencies would have shown themselves before now... prior to 50 years into my life... so I feel pretty safe in saying that this is a one-time deal. I just don't know what to do with it. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I received an email from a friend today who said something to the effect that people will only hear something once they are "ready" to hear it... like how you say things to your kids over and over again until one day it finally makes sense to them. Maybe there is just too much noise going on iin most peoples lives to be able to stop and focus in on something as pure as what he gives us... or to even believe that something as beautiful as he is... even exists. I still get goose bumps when I revisit Glady's Knight night just because I KNOW that what she said was inspired somehow. Probably the most inspired thing that was ever said during the totality of that ridiculous show.
October 2004
SecretlyLovesClay is finally coming around at Gonzo, though the wait has been long, slow and torturous. She has now added WTSHNN and PD. Now I see how she is... she's gonna make us beg for that climactic, full length Solitaire. But in the meantime we can at least relish the foreplay. That wasn't meant to be a foot-long joke... ok, maybe it was. Anyway, if you haven't had the pleasure of seeing those lovely offerings yet, PLEASE ketchup... and then stay on top of this ever-growing link for future offerings to come. From jannet - choking on her ruler... ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I don't think I've had to catch up on three days of the PP's before EVER. But wait, there must have been a time, somewhere way back in my past, before they existed... but my memory fails me on that one. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ MaryAnn: Section 6 looks like prime a** viewing territory to me. Sounds like a "not to worry situation. And besides, look at it this way... from that vantage point it's unlikely he'd be making any cracks about your binoculars. Thanks for the link to that fun "One and Only" montage MGM and Paula for another journey into the analysis of our incredible Beauty. And just GAH Suzette! I want your camera now... and possibly your next seats. And I know I've been holding off.. because sometimes the hardest things to say around here are the things that are just pure and true and from the heart. But that song has absolutely reduced me to liquid... and after listening to it over and over again for the better part of this very early morning I think it's about time to just pour myself into bed. Maybe I'll have my groove back by the time I wake up... and then again... maybe not. But Cotton.. I did love you you phrased that... "the music just breathing out of him"... what an absolutely perfect metaphor. And not to be at all irreverent here... but I wonder if Faye know... the first time she held him... that he was destined to be different... somehow. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ This was probably the best birthday I've ever spent alone... turning (gulp) another year older. But you're right Nelle the water seems fine. It's just been a really good day. I'm trying to remember back to the time when I first became addicted to this place... long before I ever posted. And I remember screaming to my co-worker "Gawd... I SO wanna be a Broad!"... yet having no idea how to become one. Just a funny memory. Anyway, all of your sweet comments today just brought that memory rushing back. Thank you all so much for being a part of the PLACE I love so much. I consider having found this community one of life's little miracles. I will see many of you in about 48 hours. Some dear "old" friends... and some others that will finally rise out of the realm of the "faceless" and become dear "old" friends with faces. I am just so freakin' hyped! And finally... any rumors you may have heard about the age I just turned today?... please take it as just THAT... "a rumor. Cuz last time I checked I was still $49.99 (plus tax of course)... 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~It's a little overwhelming to try to catch up on five days in a matter of hours... so I kind of did the Evelyn Wood thing. So much I want to respond to and too much to say, but I think I'll just start from here. Mecca was incredible! How he has brought so many women from so many different "places" together is more than mind boggling. I think that I've had my fair share of good friends in my lifetime but there is something "different" about my Broad friends that I find almost impossible to explain. They are even beyond the "finishing your sentences" kinds of friendships. For sure I am amazed by it and feel so fortunate to have these incredible relationships in my life! And did we get good Clack from Raleigh or what? The vids are "gah"... and the Belly... "Eeeeeek!"... and OMG... vice-versa. I just love how every day around here is Christmas! And this was just too special not to share. So please indulge me in this one little fame-ho moment... with all due respect to the Clackhouse and the marvelous Pig-Pull. I've titled this "Face It... sometimes it all just comes down to who you sleep with..."
Ok... so maybe ya had to be there... From jannet... a/k/a... A Good F.O.K. eh? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ So, I've printed out the Waldo pic that Terri in TN linked and I'm thinking of putting it up at work on Monday as my Clay Pic of the Day... and wondering how long it'll be before somebody says... "Um... did you notice 'something' about that picture?" And I'll say "What do you mean?" And they'll say, "His, uh... pants..." And I'll say "Oh yea, he always wears 'em super long like that." And then if they press me further I suppose I'll have to explain to them all about the Chicago debacle and how since then he always likes to keep a spare microphone handy. And hopefully that'll satisfy them for the time being... while at the same time perhaps also leaving them a bit... curious. Eeeek! It's nearly 3 a.m.! I just love getting a little glimpse into what it must be like to be K'eh and Jill!
November 2004
I have no doubt we'll get him up. I've ordered one from Amazon, but I'm sure I'll buy several other copies AT LEAST... for that last minute Christmas gift... for that second coffee table downstairs... for the credenza at work... probably FIVE more to stand on when I have to change that silly light bulb every couple of months... and then it's always handy to have something "substantial" within arms reach on the bedside table when that pillow alone doesn't prop you up high enough... I mean the possibilities are endless... ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ This is one of those moments where I'm not sure how I feel. Kind of raised up... kind of let down. Still so many unanswered questions. He's a smart one, and contrary to what he likes to admit to, he DOES have a huge... M.O. Here's how I responded to Cella and MaryAnn this AM. "One thing is for sure... you will know and understand him much better. You will feel a truer connection to his "realness" and perhaps feel less of a compulsion towards fangirliness. But then again... I don't know. It was stunning, and I am ... stunned." He seems to be much more comfortable sharing the pain (that was inflicted on him) in his life and expressing his socially acceptable ideals and dreams than he is in taking ownership of any real, human longings. "Nonetheless, Erin and I danced together. We slow danced together. I remember how dizzy I felt, spinning in circles, my hand on the small of her back." This is as vulnerable as he gets in this arena. Yet how badly I wanted to hear more!... but this is an "inspirational" book... not a bedside journal. So, nonetheless... bravo Clay. Baby steps, ya know? What struck me the most was trying to remember this wasn't fanfic. That these were his own words. Words he chose.. or at least endorsed, HIMSELF. And the pictures he included... with all the over-the-top gorgeous ones out there... were ALL so unobtrusive. I think that says a lot. But the adoration still stands... an will undoubtedly still lie (as in... lay... yeah, you know what I mean) and I guess my general impression is... What a gem of an effort for a 25 year old young man who has just recently found himself!.. And what a GEM of a result. Please understand that these are just my first... raw... ramblings.) And now I think I will go and re-watch everything that I have ever recorded or downloaded of him... EVER... again... for the first time. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ But back to the book... He IS rather fond of those older, stronger women in his life, isn't he? And I really do believe that if and when he finally meets his mate that she will be older than him. Ok... maybe not as old as some of US.. but older still. As for stronger?... I dunno. He pretty much tops the charts in that arena. But I do love how he says, "If I ever get above my raisin' I'll have no shortage of hands ready to yank me back down." And Clay... if you ever get above MY raisin well... I'll have to concur with you on that one... ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Karen eh?... On the eve of your being (almost) as old as, um, I am.. just try to remember that you only have 13 days left (EVER!) to be twice as old as HE is. Mathematically, it can never happen again. And if THAT'S not something to celebrate... then I don't know what is! Also... if the package doesn't come tomorrow... just know that it WILL come... eventually. And btw... it's bulging! (Or at least it was when it left here...) 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~I love MCWL more with each listen. I can't even begin to pick out my favorite parts. But I DO love how he enunciates the word "Joy"... and when he sings that little trill on "Dwell?" Well, just gah! Anyway, I'm HAPPY that he's been forced to take some time off. Lord knows somebody had to finally make him do it. He just pushes... and pushes... ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ My Thanksgiving Post ~ I am thankful for how the word "feast" has taken on a new and more abundant meaning in my life... and for all the BEST friends one could ever hope to have... who need no explanation for that analogy. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ This Christmas Album reminds me of May 2003... after I'd found my way to the Internet in search of Clay Aiken and then downloading... everything! I remember going to sleep that first night with the sound of him in my headphones... and waking up the next morning anew. Last night I fell asleep somewhere during "Silent Night" I think... and then was jarred awake by something that felt much like an electric current... only to hear the last phrase of MDYK. Can't explain it... but it was intense. I listened to it again this morning to try to figure out what it could have been that would have awakened me like that and I can't figure it out. No huge crescendo or glory not. Just "heaven's perfect lamb." I don't know why I'm telling you this... because it sounds like I'm alluding to something, and I'm not... But it was like one of those falling out of the sky dreams. And when I awoke I just stared at the ceiling in the dark for a few minutes and kept listening to him sing and just felt completely surrounded by him. I couldn't move. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ My Birthday greeting to Clay ~ I remember a time when I actually looked forward to getting older. Trust me, those times end eventually. Still, if I had the chance to go back two years, I wouldn't. Unless I knew for certain that I'd be able to do it all over again. You have brought such absolute joy into my life... not to mention some of the best friends I could ever hope to have. I had a chance to meet you in Salt Lake City last year but I blubbered "nothingness'. However, I'm older now and think I'm finally able to say "thank you"... just Thank You! Please don't ever stop. But DO try and get some rest in between times. It's OK with us, really. We can always wait. You've taught us how.. haha 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~We got our first snow today. Seven inches! And still coming! I LOVE having a white Thanksgiving... only disappointment was that it was so messy I didn't want to have to navigate my way through it to Barnes and Noble... so I will be "Audio LTS" deficient tomorrow. First Thanksgiving EVER I will have spent alone. But I thought I had my day planned out for me. Oh well... Best Laid Plans. The rest of my family will be breaking bread together in Salt Lake City tomorrow... and SEEING CLAY on Monday! I couldn't get the time off. Somehow this whole thing just isn't... computing. My mother is seeking Clay... and I'm not. Really, you just can't fathom how very weird that is to me! But I will say a prayer (over my Cornish Game Hen tomorrow) that she "gets" him... in even the smallest way possible.. or that she will at least understand a fraction of why I do. Anyway... I just can't figure out why I have so few vacation days left this year... I guess tomorrow will be the day I can finally get my 5,000 pictures of him into scrapbooks while I listen to MCWL and watch the snow fall outside. And to be perfectly honest, that really doesn't sound all that bad. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I am weak! And Scarlett's Gonzo clips have made me weaker. I do so love RockStar Clay... but his newest joyful noises, well, they are like a whisper... a caress... like the feel and smell of powder on a newborn baby's bottom... a scritch-scratch on the underbelly. Um, that's why I don't do cellcerts Jill. Such utter control of his world he has. Some of his "fans" must have not received the embossed invitation to treat this occasion with respect and dignity... still, by a mere and brief closing of his eyes... he quiets them. I think that very soon I will either 1) never feel the need to go to church again or 2) be struck by an intense need to attend daily... ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I believe I have stopped breathing. Who needs breath anyway? I was so blown away by his gentleness in Costa Mesa that it took a second intake of the last night to realize how very fragile and not well he was during that performance. In re-watching it I think I just sat with my hands pressed to my chest thinking.. "OMG he's not gonna be able to complete this whole tour.." I don't think I will be able to do anything else today but watch those Scarlett vids over and over and over again. Those of you who were there... how did you survive it??? And Nelle... Thank you for that lovely, LOVELY BEVR. You told your story... and made us feel like we were there. And don't I wish I HAD been. He was perfect... just perfect! (Parson Brown lyrics aside...) I don't even know what to do with myself anymore! (no lechery intended there, at all) 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~My entire family will be witnessing perfection tonight. I will be sitting here... on my hands... twiddling. Given past experience, Salt Lake City has not proven to be the Clack Capitol of the world, so we shall see. An Oh, I so, so, SO wanna see. I hope there will at least be a *cellcert tonight! *My sister Carol ended up doing the official Clackhouse cellcert that night.. and she rocked it! I was SO proud of her! Mom's going... though I'm sure she's wishing she were seeing the Mormon Tabernacle Choir instead. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Wild Card Clay! How I love that we are all of like mind. In watching the SJ vids I couldn't help but think how Simon would be mortified with all those "annoying" facial expressions. But Gawd!!! Has he ever been more perfect or more... PERFECT??? He is the most beautiful man I've EVER seen or could possibly ever even... IMAGINE. The word that comes to mind is Porcelain. He is almost too pure to take in. Good News... Just WHERE does that song come from in him? Heaven... that's the only explanation. And I do hope that when it's my time to go.. the last thing my eyes will see in this earthly lifetime will be his lower lip caressing the mic... as in MDYK/San Jose/Scarlett/1:31. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I had a major epiphany while watching him tonight... but now I can't remember. I also had a couple of 'em earlier while watching Spotlightlover's SJ Clack... but I can't remember those either. But they were intense... and somewhat important. Gawd, I never reallized I was so multi-epiphanatic. From jannet ~ who hopes this trend won't cause her to go blind, or loose anymore brain cells...
December 2004
Glad to see there is a bit of Salt Lake City Clack though most of it is partials and snippets. But some cute stuff. Again, the Clay Aiken Random Lyric Generator on Winter Wonderland. Ya know what the BEST part is about the CARLG?... The eyebrow raises he always salutes his band members with just after. Also, if I didn't know that he ALWAYS wore the long coat for Good News I'd be thinkin' that he wore it in SLC... just because he HAD to, if you get my point. But it was probably just one more case of the CAOIG (The Clay Aiken Optical Illusion Generator...) ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Do you think it would count as going to church today if I just sat here and watched GN over and over and over again? Or would that be considered a mortal sin... of a different kind? I am completely consumed right now by conflicting forces. Jill... Spot's offering is incredible as well! But just to clarify. The exact "moment" of which I speak can be found at SJ/Spot/3:48 or SJ/Scarlett/3:18. (Not to minimize the impact of the "breaking of bread or pouring of wine" moment)... ... or the expression of complete surrender on his face after he sings "and angels descend with a heavenly sigh"... It is almost too much to take in. Sorry to get all religious on you this Sabbath morning. Believe me there's still more than enough brewing inside me to fill up a month of Sundays... ... Mondays... Tuesdays... Wedne... (well, you get the point.) Holy Eternal Marshmellow Roast Nelle!!!... Can I have s'mores please??? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I am so bogged down with RL (real life) right now that it's hardly hit me that Clayvland will be upon me in a mere... FOUR DAYS! Love reading about all your experiences... your anticipations. And despite RL, it's still good... with Clay and all of you in it. It's funny how my "fantasy" life has become one of the only things in my life that seems "real"... The other stuff just feels sort of "fake" somehow. On a lighter note, my mother has finally ceased sending me scriptural passages i.e. "Thou shalt have no other idols before me"... and has now begun sending me Clay's quotes from Learning To Sing... Cannot wait to see that man! But will I be lucky enough to witness the grey striped pants of revelation? OH, the things the though of him slipping into those pants does to me! Only thing better is the thought of ME slipping into those pants. Ok, so after only a week off I've reverted back to Lechery 101. (Sorry) But Oh Lord and Taylor please help us! ... with particular plea's (and thank you's!) to the taylor... ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ MGM... Thanks for the little teasers as to what will be a reality for us on Tuesday. I just hope he takes down all those VIRGIN signs. Talk about overkill! Ok, Clay... we get it already. It was endearing the FIRST time... And why did I have such an error in judgement to think I could sit down and just watch a few JNT vids before trying to get my shyte together to leave town? The man is hypnotic I tell ya! Just one more vid... and then TAHT one again. What IS it about Clay Aiken?!!! (tm... everybody) And not to fame-ho here... but I spent many years in the theatre, surrounded by the best looking, most classically handsome men imaginable, most of them unobtainable (ok, gay).. but anyway... still. I never felt the need to just... STARE at them day in and day out... like a magnificent painting or wondrous work of art... or felt that when they weren't in eyesight that something was somehow... missing. Gawd, for such a little geek didn't he turn out to be the most astonishingly beautiful man? The sight of him is breathtaking. Soul-taking even. Please someone... just lock me in a padded cell, give me my Clack and we'll call it good. OMG... what are we ever gonna do for the next few months after this??? K'eh says we might become interesting people again... 
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~I just knew if I took 150 pictures at the Cleveland book signing I would get a least ONE that I could cherish forever. And I think THAT may be the ONE. And though the photographic expertise pales greatly in comparison to the other photos posted here I still just love it so much! Don't know why... I just do. I suppose I might eventually get around to working on my BEVR... but tonight I just feel so overwhelmed thinking of those who have shared their hearts, minds, homes (and beds) with me these past 72 hours. You know who you are! (Names being withheld to protect the "not so innocent!") Which reminds me... A HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEB! And a Merry... Holiday to all!!! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I have a BEVR! Hope that's not breaking news to anyone. I found it very hard to express my feeling this time for some reason. Perhaps because there are so few words left in the English language that haven't already been used again and again and again to describe him. And I hate repetition... unless of course it's the uncontrollable use of the word "again"... Feel free to take a look if you like. And now I have a favor to ask. Could someone please email me the correct order of the JNT song set? I could normally find it at Gonzo, but Gonzo has been down. I'll bet none of you can imagine what I'll be doing for New Year's Ever. Seriously though, there is no other way I'd rather spend it. My series will only consist of TWO "legs" this time around though. The ones on either side of **Christmas**... Have a wonderful and SAFE New Year's Eve everyone!
From jannet
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~And yes, believe it or not, those were (really)... just the "Snippets"...
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